My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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