I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
