don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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