I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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