she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
