When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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