don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
