my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I think your dad took our porno
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
