Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
