Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
