YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
