One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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