Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
