i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
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