we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
