non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
