I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
