I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
