i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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