drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
