Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
