Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
