I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
