she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I wear drunk well.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
