Porn is love you can see.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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