I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
