..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
