We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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