sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
