smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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