Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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