If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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