WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
