we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
