it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
