Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
