That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize