I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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