Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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