we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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