I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
