I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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