Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
