I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
