Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
