I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
