Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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