First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
this beer tastes like vomit already
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
