You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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