come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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