theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
