i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
How external is "for external use only"?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
