Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
