Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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