you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
