he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
he thought i was a dude.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
