lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
