oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
