U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
