Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
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The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
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You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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