Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
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