He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I faked an abortion last night.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
