My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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