I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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