were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
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