She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
