I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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