I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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