Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
