Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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