he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
