that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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