thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
