I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
