Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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