I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
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