omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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