I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
