my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
pop tarts are not kleenex
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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